Cold season

Finally it is becoming the cold season, it is cold outtside and windy and rainy from time to time. For me and the kids it is a beautiful time, spending outside if we want to, enjoying the fresh and clear air, walking and watching the nature change and just thanking God for everything we have.

Yesterday night I was thinking about one homeless man, whom I saw the other day. I was thinking about his condition, his life situation and about what I can do for him during this cold season.

I looked up at the internet about what they might need.

Money? Food? Clothes? Blankets? A tent?

So I thought about a sleeping back and took it to him today. I asked him about his needs, what he would like to have, e.g. food or more blankets/clothes.

His answer was first:

“Is this sleeping back new?”

Honestly, I was a bit surprised, but tried not to show it, I told him that’s brand new, even all the signs on it. Somehow I felt, he might not want it.

When I asked about food if I should buy him breakfast or some fruits, he simply said, he just wants and needs money.

Then he said something that made me think

“I need money, a lot. If possible 1-2 Mio €”

Sure could be jokingly, but then I also thought about his thinking. There are some homeless by bad circumstances, some because of addiction and some by choice. Some doesn’t want to live under the German system of tax and regulations. Somehow it seems that this homeless today is the one living outside by choice.

Thinking about homeless and all this topic it is difficult to decide whether I should help more or less. I don’t want them to thank me or something else, while I was thinking about how to help (besides money) I really thought I might help a little. The scene today instead showed me that it is best to ask, what they need, to donate after that.

My motivation was to help the homeless in this time, as it is turning really cold outside and they keep staying outside the whole time. Honestly I don’t want to just give money, as for most of them (as they say themselves) they need money to buy drugs and alcohol. I don’t want to be part or a helper for providing drugs or alcohol – when I want to help with what they really need like food or clothes or sleeping utensils.

Guess it’s a difficult topic, while it can be so easy.

Wishing you a blessed week and a peaceful time with Jesus Christ. Shalom



I am talking to her about daily topics and immediately my heart starts to ache. One thought comes to my mind and I speak it out loud.

I ask her to go visit my grandfather at the old homes. Years ago he decided to move to this place in hope to be well cared of.

What really put me down emotionally is the fact and the thought, that no one of his family, not his ex-wife, his actual wife or his children are caring much about him. I can understand that it is a matter of distance, a matter of past and what has happened in everyone’s life, still a sudden pain reaches my heart and I start crying, I can’t stop it, the tears are just dropping down my face and when I finally stop crying, I try to find out what exactly happened to me.

So I start praying and receive the answer. My soul was the one crying out loud, because my spirit showed me how my grandfather is lying in his bed all alone, all by himself and in bad condition, not able to move, completely left alone – weeks – no months are passing before his children visit him, as there is always something else, something more important at that time than visiting their father.

My heart is crying as I feel his pain, yes he made wrong decisions, he did wrong things and wasn’t the father he should be for his children, but I feel his pain inside my heart and I keep crying.

The next day, we are at this place where he’s lying, we had to drive for an hour, it is a cute little village and the home is a Christian catholic place – even he’s not catholic still he chose this place, because he felt comfortable in it, when he got there around 6 years ago. Now he is lying in bed all the time, since approx 2 years, staring at the wall in his room, not able to read, not able to talk, not able to turn on the TV. Day by day by day by day.

When I enter his room and see him lying there, not able to move his hands and fingers, I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheek. I don’t try to stop them, I just let them down. Is it the sorrow to see the similarities of him and my mother and my aunt? Is it the pain I can nearly feel seeing him lying here not able to move.

I feel powerless because his son who was responsible for him gave away the responsibility to the government and now all other siblings are helpless, not able to claim for their dad to be at their place to be cared of.

I can’t understand, that a man with 5 children is held at an old home while he could be cared of at least at one house. The main point is money, the old home takes a huge amount of money because of the care and the room – I can totally understand that, but I guess it is unfair for those who didn’t have a family at all.

With this I pray to remember the elderly people, your parents, your grandparents because they shouldn’t be forgotten.

Be blessed!


Since I was in High School I was thinking about our worlds poverty. About the unequal structure of rich and poor, the ones that hunger and barely eat anything in a week and those who eat several times a day. At a young age my thoughts already started to question the system, the heart and mind of the people like me, yes sure I have a lot of financial struggles myself, but honestly most of them are part of my own action and daily behaviour.

While I was attending class and about 16 I was already working part-time as a babysitter to pay of my mobile phone contract and my violin classes I took twice a month. I talked to my mother about those organisations to help children from all over the world, who actually needs our help. And with only 30€ a month you can support a child. My mother then started to support a child from Vietnam, she was so excited and happy that she did it and told me immediately, i felt happy for her and the little boy. A short time after my mum started, the family of the young boy moved out the organisation area and so she was asked if she would like to continue supporting another child, she agreed.

Years after this I saw myself, with two little children, all by myself and responsible for the financial situation and I checked and double checked and decided to start supporting a child myself. This was 3 years ago, I wrote #WorldVision and since then I’m supporting a young girl from Ghana. She’s so adorable and I like to write her, get to know what she likes to do, if she is healthy and well. I can send her postboxes with little presents and I love to help her and her family.

10 month ago I was sitting at my friends breakfast table and we were talking about organisations like #hoffnungstraeger and #handsofhope from #JoyceMeyer. I decided to support another child from Hoffnungstraeger and they are really lovely, I can write letters via mail and it will be translated to my supported child. I support a boy from India, who attend school, so it is really lovely to receive letters from him. It feels right to be some sort of part of the family in a tough time for others.

A couple of weeks ago, a young man from Gambia contacted me and after we talked and I found out in what situation he is right now, I tried to bring organisations to him, people who work with similar situations and a little more know-how on what to do next, and found one #ProKidsGambia from Germany.

While this organisation is still little and not as big as #WorldVision for example they are limited in financial issues – well same as I – but they offered me to help me and walk with me through the procedure of bringing him, Alieu the young man from Gambia back to school and hopefully in the near future to a good job, so that he can support himself, his family and maybe his village and some neighbours.

Specifically for Alieu and his situation I started a Go Fund Me campaign and am currently searching for good hearted people to help us with little financial support.

Help Alieu is the link to our Fund Me Campaign.

Right now, he is doing a 4 week school course qualification program and is ready to start graduating his school and studies, so he can finally find good work to support his whole family.

For me as a single person, I can’t finance it all by myself. Even the organisation is involved it needs at least 5-8 people who are willing to constantly support Alieu financially so he can finish school.

I know it sounds a lot, it sounds too much, but if you give it a heart, a thought, that even with 5€ as a one time donation you help Alieu to buy a meal or two.

I thank everyone who took the time to read my blog post, I thank everyone who thought about helping Alieu even for one second.

I bless your day and wish you happiness, luck and much love!

Bible studies and strange things happened

When I started reading my bible about 3 weeks ago I felt this beautiful feeling this hunger for His pure and holy Word. I was excited as soon as the day started to finally have my holy time with the Lord. I covered my head while praying and reading scripture and felt wonderfully blessed and lead by His Holy Spirit, the Ruach HaKodesh.

Until I got hit by a heavy migraine in the 4th day. I just brought my kids to the school and the childcare and was happy to continue reading my own personal bible plan, as I entered my unit and immediately realised I have a starting migraine. It has been some time, since my last big migraine (I’m not talking about headache, my migraine starts with small invisible dots in my sight and they get bigger until I can’t see clearly and then it turns to this huge pain in my head, affecting my whole body to feel sick and weak) and this one really hit me by surprise. And even I took 2 pills Ibuprofen and lay down immediately the migraine and pain didn’t fade after 2 hours, and I’ve waited more; at the end it stayed for about 2-3 days until I fully recovered and this made me really disappointed. I wanted to continue my reading, I wanted to be in His presence but had this feeling “I’m not well yet, get well first” another days past and it was about one week after the first migraine that I thought “kids are sleeping, I can start reading again, at least a bit” and at about 8:30pm I felt this symptoms again – invisible dots growing bigger and bigger, I took an even stronger ibuprofen to just close my eyes and sleep. And so I did, I was disappointed, I was angry and I was clueless – why did I had 2 migraines in a row? Yes, in my past I experienced 2 migraines a month but this time was heavy and well I was unsure why.

And then I opened my bathroom cupboard the other morning to brush my teeth and get ready for the day, when I saw my old glasses.

I stopped wearing them 3 years ago, because I prayed and believe that my eyes are healed and still they are. Then I started to wear them again and yet here I am, it is better, the eyes are relaxing, still it is strange to wear the glasses again. Nevertheless still I want to double check with my GP to see if the glasses are still okay, if there’s something else with my eyes and what I have to pray for.

Still I could t get an appointment yet, but until then I will keep you informed.

Be blessed and have a good week! Shalom


While I planed to write on a daily basis and sharing my life passages with you, I feel I’m slowing down myself with this schedule – as the more I want to write the less ideas do come to my mind.

So after I just decided to let it flow and most important of it let God lead my topics it’s easier and I’m sure about a perfect God given balance with everything in my life.

Lately I experience different ways of memory flashbacks, it started with dreams, then it got more into my daily life showed up in fragrance and certain smells. Usually it’s something back from my past childhood back in Indonesia while travelling and being on vacation. This special fragrance that reminds me of some situation, while I was sitting close to my grandma, or while I was playing outside with my cousins and their friends in the village, a fragrance of the humidity air, when I exit the plane and exit the airport to wait for our pickup to town.

So what happens lately that I sense the fragrance from my past? First I thought it is just because it’s really hot during summer, the nature had to fight this big heat and the earth was breathing out this warm fragrance.

When I walk through the aisle in the supermarket or walk the dog, everywhere there are possibilities and chances to sense old fragrances from my childhood. It’s similar to those smells of freshly mown grass or the morning scent.

After I thought about the cause of all this and prayed, I realised that maybe it’s something with me? My mind? First I also thought it’s something going on with me, with my body or spiritually (maybe this truly is something) but until now there’s nothing really answering my new scent-sense.

In any way it is bringing me back to my old memories, and I start to be thankful for everything, yes I’m doing this already but with the memories of the old times, and realising that so many people have less then me, I’m really thankful. Everything I have and everything I am is because of the great grace of the Lord 🙌🏽.

Well honestly I just wanted to share this one with you, it’s no big text or kind of a book, but in any way I want to bless your day, your life and tell you, that in any situation you are in, just invite God and you’ll never be alone! Hallelujah

Friday book

Since I was able to read I was reading. As a small child I always asked my parents to read bedtime stories, so that my siblings and me can fall asleep. Usually they didn’t, because there was no time, no good book or a different excuse.

When I finally learned how to read in primary school, I was happy to hold a card to borrow books in a so called “Library Bus”. And was reading a lot and loved it. Later I preferred buying books and kept them in a shelf. After I came back from overseas I started to sort out nearly 85-90% of my books, gave them away or threw them away. I started reading my kindle and right now I’m borrowing eBooks there. Something else I started and really appreciate now is listening to books via audible. I tried audible books before as CDs, and wasn’t happy about it, as I only had a player in my car and I’m not that person to listen to books in my car. But with audible and their app which I’m using on my phone or tablet it’s easy to listen to a book while you are doing housework, or sports or simply sit on your couch doing something else like crocheting or drawing.

Today I started with William Paul Young’s book “Cross Road”. I wasn’t sure whether to listen to a book now or to read Paulo Corleone “the Alchemist” which I received as a birthday present. The last few days I was reading and studying Gods word in Acts and the beginning of Romans, until I got my latest migraine.

Listening to Cross Roads is lifting me up, a story to listen to, to sneak into someone else’s life and after watching William Paul Youngs “The Shack” and listening to his other book “Eve” I was looking forward to this one.

Life is slowly going back to its normal routine and schedule. I enjoy the new changes and the freedom to listen to books while I still be able to do everything else. Like now – doing the laundry 😉

Be blessed dear readers!

What do you think?

The last days of school holiday and everyone is feeling that it’s time for the school routine and well, even when I remember 6 weeks school holiday wasn’t that long (especially when you’ve been in Indonesia for 4-5 weeks) today it seems to be – even for my kids.

This is possible because we’ve just been away for around a week or so, we’ve been to Den Haag in the Netherlands and stayed in a Hostel. This was such a great experience for the whole family, and a big plus was, the distance to the beach was only 5 min away.

How to stay cool and calm, when you have 6 weeks with 24/7 kids playtime. I didn’t want to plan too much with entry fee or too far away and so everything was spontaneous. Most of the time we visited family and friends, then we’ve been to the Netherlands, to the beach, to the forest and simply outside chillin’ at the pool.

As I realise how fast the children are growing I really feel the urge to do more with them, not only sitting at the dining table, or on the couch; even my oldest told me the other day he wants to spend time together and just walk. I love it! So we decided to take our dog and walk together, we’ve been out for about 2 hours, constantly walking, talking, enjoying these last few days.

I tried to live life with God, to talk to him first in any situation – truth is, I’m still on my way, I’m still practising, learning how to do so and stay in this routine and life, but it happens that the head is running into situations before asking the Heavenly Father. It is a way to go, but I’ll take it step by step and I know that the Lord is with me, helping me with every situation and every problem.

I decided to start a new study plan for myself. It will be about community, the rules, every aspect Jesus wants us to obey, to follow and to love. Why is this topic in my mind? Well first of all it’s been in my mind for a couple of weeks now and I’m sure God is preparing me for something. I’m really looking forward this studies and will let you know of course.

Be blessed