Summer holidays

Oh I can’t believe it’s this time of the year, the school holidays just started and with this beautiful and great weather it is just a great beginning!

We’ve been meeting friends already and are enjoying our time on the couch now.

I’ve decided to leave the holidays as they are, not much planning or schedules just living and enjoying our time with the family and if we decide to travel we will do, something spontaneous – without stress.

I’m still on my way and I’m learning to trust the Lord in everything I do and everything I’m looking for in the future I’ll put my prayer in it first. Sometimes I have to remind myself to pray first, usually I run into situations and after I’m in already I start to pray. I really want to make it my life to pray and talk to God first in any situation and circumstance before I walk.

Starting the day like this and keeping God first in all gives me a calm and wonderful feeling, I’m less stressed, less worried and I know my father is watching me and keeping me safe.

God bless you all

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Wednesday good night story

This will be just a short entry about my today’s good night story for the kids.

Some hours ago I was listening to Joseph Prince book “live the Let-Go Life” and I’m close to the finish, when Joseph is talking about children, kids and their education, their problems and how to start letting go and let God. Joseph said, that a good routine is always good and you can start telling your children about God, who he is, what we are through Jesus Christ, what Jesus did and why. Start introduce your child to him, and this is what I made and the exciting fact is – my eldest asked me something about God and the people, so it was easy for me to catch up and answer his question and add one or two more facts about God, his character, about Jesus and his never ending Love for us.
The kids fell asleep and I had a calm heart, because I felt and knew that God gave this question so that I could start this new way of “good night story” it’s just changing from those bedtimestories about Princess and Prince or Knights to the beautiful Love Story of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
I really enjoyed it myself today, because I let myself into his arms and his guidance of where this telling would leave and what I would tell my kids actually. And you know what? As soon as I stopped directing myself, it was so easy and every word and every sentence came out just by itself and gave my kids the peace and rest they need.
Now they are fast asleep and so will I – after turning on another 15 min of Joseph Prince “live the Let-Go Life”.

Have a blessed night to you all!

Wake up

Lately I found myself sleeping late and well too long as well. How come? And why is it not well for myself?

Well it is a result of my late TV watching, it’s a sort of relaxing and my own private time. After the kids are sleeping and I’ve been out with our dog I enjoy the quiet time on the couch, switching on the TV and deciding what show or movie to watch. Sometimes I crochet with a glass of wine until midnight or even longer, when I finally realise that it’s time to sleep. And after staying up so long it is really hard to wake up early again, so this leads to a stressful day because of my late wake up and this continuous until I stop the circle.

What did I experience when waking up early? When I wake up at 5:30 or 6 am I’m sleepy but with the first tea or coffee to start with and my bible plan and the songs on Positive Life Radio I have a good start with God. The kids are still sleeping and I have enough time together with Abba. I experienced this start to be a fresh and healthy one, I’m more calm and not as stress-filled as when I’m too tired because I didn’t sleep well.

And to add, the kids realise and profit with the relaxed and calm me as well. When I’m ready way ahead of them, with the breakfast set when they wake up and start their day.

What happens when I stay up late? Well it usually happens when I watch series, especially those like The Flash or New Girl, that I simply stay watching and pressing the “next” button on #Netflix until 1 or 2 am. And then I’m totally in this story recalling what I saw and when I finally reach my bed I’m so sleepy and happy to close my eyes and fall asleep. But when the alarm clock rings at 6am I can’t force my eyes to stay open, because I’m still too tired and think I can sleep a little longer until my next alarm ring at 7am. And it continuous until its 7:30 am when I finally be in such a shock, that I have to hurry preparing everything for school and for the day, that I already feel full of stress before 8am.

I aim to work on not staying up too late, and sleep at least 7-8 hours a night to stay healthy and relaxed, prepared for every day.

„If you love sleep, you will become poor; keep your eyes open, and you’ll have plenty of food.“

‭‭Mishlei (Pro)‬ ‭20:13‬ ‭CJB‬‬

„It’s still dark when she rises to give food to her household and orders to the young women serving her. ז“

‭‭Mishlei (Pro)‬ ‭31:15‬ ‭CJB‬‬

Wishing you a blessed day full of Gods truths for you today!

Sunshine

The temperature is growing high again and it is such a beautiful time spending with the family outside sitting under the trees and cooling down at the small pool. After we came home the other day from our small trip to Netherlands I recalled some of the situations that caught my attention and my new character in Christ.What does it mean “new character in Christ”? For me it means a lot, because with Jesus I become more calm, more relaxed and more quiet. Years ago, when I didn’t walk with Jesus, it was easy to stress out and get into discussions and arguments. Like the other day I had to wait for over 4 hours to register my car at the office (usually it should be done in about 30min). And well normally I would’ve become loud in the waiting area, telling the staff to stop treating all those people this way and start working on their chair. This time I didn’t, although it really started to grow inside me I took several breathing breaks to keep myself calm, even when I saw some people using money to illegally squeeze in a spot way before I did. I heard that this is common now, corruption in offices where people think and use money to avoid long waiting lines and well they get along with this – years ago I stood up, and spoke and nearly got beaten by a grown up man because I told him to line up like every one else is doing. Today I know that I don’t have to fight this flesh fight, because everyone will get what they planted and so will they. Yes it got my attention and made me angry but I let go and this made me calm.But back to the situation with my family back in the Netherlands, I started to realise that we start to be unhappy soon when we have too many plans or visions of what we want – too many expectations can Stress your day and your life. Even the kids seemed to be unhappy because they wanted more and more as they thought that only being occupied is real happiness. During this time I started to think about the best vacation for my family – and it is more “back to the past” and less “24 hour fun”. I mean, last time we’ve been at a holiday parc where the kids could swim everyday, where they had horses and many playgrounds outside and indoors. Still it wasn’t enough. So the kids and me, we were kind of exhausted running after every kind of experience that we lost the beauty of holiday itself. I told myself, that the next holiday will be even more simple, nothing at all except the beach. So this will be all we will be doing, wake up, breakfast, preparing the bag with snacks and staying at the beach for the day until the day is over. Simple and no stress at all please. We need to find peace and joy in this beautiful things God gave us and we need to start being thankful and grateful for all these things, and stop racing for more and more, I realised that my kids copy my way of how I live my life, of how I chose and do holiday. We as parents have the responsibility to teach our kids and we also have the gift to show and teach them everything they need to know to have a happy love filled live. Showing them that happiness isn’t connected to materials is a step to show them what live is about.Be blessed!

Bible reading plan

Have you ever struggled to start and keep reading your bible?I experienced people around me asking me on how to start reading and staying in the Word of God. Even me I once stood at the point asking myself on how to start reading the Bible. Sure you can start right at the beginning and read until you finish. I did but felt a long gap after I started and worked myself through the whole family tree and history until I finally reached the New Testament and Jesus story.So today I do recommend everyone new on reading the Bible to try out the bible app and then use the beautiful way of its bible reading plans. They have so many of them, some specific for any situation or life circumstances so you can simply scroll them and find yours or you can search for one, and the best, there is a 365 days reading plan for the complete bible. It contains 4 chapters a day, usually 2 from the Old Testament and then one of Psalms and the New Testament. And what I really like about this bible app, you have different translations and you can even listen to them as some translations have the “listen to it” function. I already recommended it to many people, my family, aunties and friends. It is a good way and good first step in getting to a daily relationship with God, while listening of reading in your bible! I bless you and wish you a blessed quiet time with your creator!

Summer 2018

It’s been a long time now, since I last posted something here.I’ve been busy trying to put up a new Instagram Account for my crocheted beauties the baby blankets and it still is a challenge to be active on the IG profile while crocheting at the same time. And of course there is my official account the #headcovering4jesus IG one, that keeps me busy (besides my real life with family, kids, church community, friends etc.)What happened the last few months? Beside our small trip to the Netherlands nearly 2 months ago, wow time flies! days got busy preparing for childcare, school and a possible second small vacation for the family. While I love to crochet all the time i try to combine it with hillsong I can listen to through my online radio or what I started lately I listen to an audio book. In the past I didn’t like it that much, I remember that I started one audio book in the car once but didn’t like it as I couldn’t focus on the story while I was driving. Today I use my headphones to listen to my book while the kids are playing and I can crochet besides. So I can do more at the same time, I do listen to the book while I cook or clean the house. Right now I’m listening to Joseph Prince “Let-Go Life” on my #audible and it is such a blessing for me right now to be able to clean up, cook or crochet but still be able to listen to a book. I used to read a lot, and fast, but lately it’s really difficult to combine it all, I still have some unread books on my #kindle and some even unwrapped books on my bookshelf 🙃While listening to Jospeh Prince I start to practise what it’s about in his book, the “let-go life” I used to be stressed with different situations and life circumstances, like Joseph said, financial, child education, future plans etc., while the word of God taught and still teaches me not to. I like to see how Gods word and his promises changes me everyday, even if it’s been just a bit it is enough and a lot for my life, because God doesn’t want to stress myself. Stress, what can it look like? With me I had a strong experience starting last year, where a feeling grew inside me, that I need to prepare myself and my family for something that might come, like deposit enough food and water, to have everything we need for day x. It caught my attention, that I couldn’t sleep and couldn’t live my day normally with my family and friends – until I finally stopped worrying and trusting the Lord!And then this year it happened again, with financial issues, we got in some situation where we didn’t know if we have enough at the end of the month to buy food. When we started to trust the Lord, he showed us what we actually need and where to start cutting the expenses. A brother in Christ showed me a way to keep track on the monthly budget with weekly envelopes and a monthly plan where I can oversee the whole money income and expenses, it helps to plan ahead.This is my current live and daily challenge to stop stressing myself and trusting more.Be blessed!

Forgiveness

I started to write this post before, but then I interrupted myself and I couldn’t save the text so, it simply disappeared. I will write it again, maybe with new informations and some different views.

Forgiveness – it is a big subject, it is something, that I am dealing with at least once a week. Sometimes it’s small situations to forgive, but sometimes there are situations bigger to get through with.

I have at least 2 different types of situations where I have to focus on how to forgive (not to compare to forget), the simple ones are situations, that occur with family and friends, because of simple misunderstanding and wrong information about something, and the heavier ones are those related to family and friends doing the same hurting things and saying/telling me what I’ve done, defines who I am, or these kind of partners, who tries to break a person on a psychological way, trying to push yourself down, so you feel like you’re worth nothing at all.
Well I’ve experienced it all, people, once called friend or even partner trying to put their psychological craziness into my mind to change it or direct me into what they want me to do or think. I’ve also had the situation where I’ve been told that my past will cling to me like a bad smelling bubble gum and I will never get rid of it and should hide or better vanish into nowhere.
How to react, to continue a conversation or relationship with this kind of situation and person?
I’m honest, if I don’t have to see the person again – I won’t – ever, if possible. The normal situation is something different, because usually it is, the closer your relation is to a certain group or person, the easier it becomes to be hurt and to have this situation where you have to forgive.

Once I thought, it is an easy saying to quickly forgive, but how to truly forgive by heart not only by saying?
I can only tell you how it is with me, when I have had situations and assaulting like this I took it inside my heart and mind immediately and kind of locked it inside. Like I wanted to keep this bad feeling, this growing anger and this boiling blood feeling. Why? First I told myself, that the longer I keep it inside, the better, like it would get less bad or like it would become smaller by time and less hurtful. I can tell you – I was wrong. When I kept all this inside it became even worst after time, because you start thinking about it from every possible point of view. And sometimes it can even grow. Finally I realized that I was building my own prison by doing like this.
I started praying, I started asking my heavenly father how to stop me doing this and creating even bigger and stronger chains.
Slowly he showed me what forgiveness means. Somehow I related or even put it on the same stage as forgetting. I thought that forgiving means I will or need to forget as well. Like erasing the situation out of my mind and to easily and quickly return back to a friendship or relation as it was before.
And this turned out to be not true – in my case (and I guess in so many others as well).

I can give you an example out of my past.
I had a partner almost 12 years ago, he had his positive side of character but also a bad side, like jealousy and some kind of forcing character of his way of lifestyle and how he actually wants his and our life to be and become. Being in a relationship with him for over 2 years, living together and even planning to go on some vacation (that we actually never did because of his stingy behaviour) somehow I found to myself and my own worth in Christ and left him. He did hurt me with several things like jealousy, unanswered conversations and wishes for a real and in gods-way-relationship, with unhealthy sexual desires he asked for and finally when I was done with his trying to make me jealous because of his ex-girlfriend he wants to meet and his jealousy of not leaving me to work, I ended this relationship – also he didn’t want to have a family like I did.

After this nearly 3 years of relationship where surely we both tried to arrange the other partner to our lifestyle I felt exhausted and broken, I felt hurt and my heart was injured and first I couldn’t and the most I didn’t want to forgive him all that happened in the past between him and me, but when I broke up with him I started talking to God leading me to forgive him – so that I could be free.

After this part of my life a new part started, I finished my trainee at a big company after 2.5 years and planned a work & travel year in Australia in 2009. Everything was ready and I told myself that I didn’t want anything or anyone to interfere, so I would change my mind again – but it happened. I was invited to a birthday party of a good friend and met my ex-partner, the father of my son. Today I can’t understand what got into my mind, I’ve been on my Australia trip, but instead of being there for 12 months (at least) I’ve shortened it to 2 months. This was a negative thing for my parents, as I used their money for my flight tickets – and of course I excused my decision because of my future plans with him.

I’m not pointing my finger at my ex-partner, because all decisions where mine. When I think back, I’m more likely pointing at myself, giving me full responsibility of what I’ve chosen and asking myself why. I was blaming me, but same as to forgive others I need to forgive myself – and in Jesus Christ we can.

Jesus showed me, that he loves me, that he is patiently waiting for me at the point where I left him because I thought I could run my way in front of him. He is waiting until I return back to him, taking his hand, apologising and receiving his love, his understanding, his comforting and his grace for me.

Back in 2009 I was really focused on me, myself, my wishes, my plans and everything Me-related, I didn’t put God first, I didn’t asked Jesus opinion, I didn’t invited the Holy Spirit to guide me and open my eyes for my heavenly fathers view. And I ran into a brick wall (metaphorically). As I walked with my plan that was fixed in my mind, I was walking completely out of Gods path, I didn’t thought about the right way of things; I just focused on my desires, that included happy family life, having children and if possible (financially) a nice wedding. Maybe you see the point? Thinking back to 2009 I’m asking myself, who was thinking for me, why was I imagine a marriage a “maybe“? So I’ve walked the road real far away from Jesus and didn’t want to return back then, until the curtain fell, when I finally realised that all I’ve planned and wanted and tried by myself was unhealthy and not good for me, same as for my ex-partner.

My ex-Partner wasn’t and sadly isn’t walking with God, and at this point I was still fresh and new to my own relationship to God. Life and some heavy addiction problems of my ex-partner brought me ending our relationship, while I still tried to help him with any support possible, mental, physical and financial until I barely couldn’t support my own small family of two I stopped the financial support.

What I’m trying to tell is, that for everything I’ve done and I’ve decided to do, I am responsible and for those, where I blame myself, where I made mistakes and did wrong, I even need to forgive myself; I need to let go of the past and stop thinking about “what might be if?..” . maybe you have some similar (hopefully less painful) past situations you need to let go and forgive yourself, because the past is gone, what we decided and what we did passed already, we have to live with the outcome, we can thank the Lord for everything he made possible, for every time that he saved us, for every minute he was listening to our smallest prayer, but mostly for always loving us more than we can ever imagine.

Today I want to encourage you to forgive. To forgive others because it will free you. To forgive yourself, because Jesus took it all away so that you could be called a child of God.

I thank you for your interest and your patient reading my life story.

Be blessed – Shalom