Some weeks ago I was talking about Trust in my church community and I was doing some research for myself. In my previous blog post I told you already about my thoughts and own fights against fear.
While I was in the midst of my inner storm of this fear-future-situation I was reading God’s word, to comfort, to root me, to calm my stressed soul and to find inner peace.
In Europe there is a big discussion about refugees coming from different countries and with different cultural backgrounds and different point of views, different religious believes. It is a wide range and fighting space for the evil to arise fear and discussion about the other.
Refugees from Africa, India, and east Europe coming and crossing Germany, some of them staying, some of them still on their journey. Singles, Families, children – especially the children and what they had gone through already and what they’re still facing in this world.
Last sunday we had our federal elections and because of the refugee situation right now, there are plenty of xenophobic and egoistic fearful people, who gave their voice and mark to some small groups, who proclaim to keep germany in structure in clear borders and away from chaos where we are right now. So is it chaos? Is it a mess and a huge challenge for everyone to handle war refugees and their providing, but as christians we should constantly pray and trust and believe that God is bigger than any circumstance, any situation that might seem like a huge chaos. God is able to turn around a sinner into a saint, God created this world and all of us – still he is waiting for us to trust in him.
8 It is better to take refuge in Adonai
than to trust in human beings;
9 better to take refuge in Adonai
than to put one’s trust in princes.
For me I realized, that I have to search refuge in him only, that I have to trust in him and not in human beings. How often did we see and talked about the people of politics who broke their promises. There is only one who will never break his promise – it’s our heavenly father.
7 Blessed is the man who trusts in Adonai;
Adonai will be his security.
8 He will be like a tree planted near water;
it spreads out its roots by the river;
it does not notice when heat comes;
and its foliage is luxuriant;
it is not anxious in a year of drought
but keeps on yielding fruit.
While I was in my heavy inner chaos about what to think at all, refugees, victims, end of the world, how to think and act as a christian – but especially as a mother.
And I found peace reading my fathers words.
On this sunday my sister in christ shared her thoughts about trust in our heavenly father with me. In Germany we have a saying
Trust is good, control is better (Vertrauen ist gut, Kontrolle ist besser)
In here we all heard this one every now and then, and as a parent it’s like a sentence for every day. Like you start trusting your little kid being in the living room without breaking or damaging anything – while in fact you are spying with one eye to control what is going on in the other room. Or later, when the kids grow older and start to walk to school all by themself, it’s also well known, that some parents tend to say “oh, I trust him/her going all by him- or herself, but well I better take a look and check if everything is alright”.
And what about control in a partnership, how often did I say “I trust sure – but control is better”, so I recalled some of my past experiences in my partnership and found out, what I already knew, jealousy is not from God. It is actually a curse where you end up being locked and tortured.
I’ve been there, I walked into this curse by myself before, and it grew bigger and bigger. So I tried to escape this jealousy curse all alone relying on my human strength.
It’s like you betray yourself. I found out, that if I can’t trust my partner I’m lying to myself, because if I can’t trust him the whole relationship is built up on lies and not rooted on solid ground.
God gives trust, he trust us and is patiently waiting for us to return to him, to his son and start talking to him again. God doesn’t come watching double checking if we are on the right path and walking towards him like he is directing our steps, he is patiently waiting, he is trusting and waiting with his never ending love for our return.
So God’s reliance is making us free, his trust in me makes me completely free to choose. His confidence in me gives me his freedom to be and become who I am in his eyes, who I am for real and how he made me, perfect in every little cell.
To control means captivity, like I said with my relationship and the jealousy, it left me in my own prison of emotions. I couldn’t trust my partner leaving for work, leaving for grocery shopping, nor even leave his messaging unattended or at least I double checked it afterwards. And yes, now I know that this is completely a no go! I was so much into my emotional prison, that I asked him to give me all his passwords so I could check whenever I want, to just make sure he’s not betraying me in any way.
So this presupposes that I assume him to cheat on me. In any way he is in a trap, because sooner or later my behavior leads him either to cheat on me because I’m asking for it, or leaving me because this prison is mine, not his and as I said, in God we have the freedom to leave these emotional prisons.
In my case I left the whole scene as I found out what I was building up, this emotional prison, this curse I got trapped myself in.
What did I do then, what were the steps I took? Well first of all it wasn’t clear for myself, I was searching and asking in prayer, and then I read Psalm 62.
(5) My soul, wait in silence for God alone,
because my hope comes from him.
7 (6) He alone is my rock and salvation,
my stronghold; I won’t be moved.
8 (7) My safety and honor rest on God.
My strong rock and refuge are in God.
9 (8) Trust in him, people, at all times;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us. (Selah)
And I continued reading Gods promises for me, and slowly found out what is actually from God and what is not. It was a journey to learn the things God has put inside my dna and Sarah-Code already. When I read Gods word and stay in his light it is easy for me to differ the good and the bad, because the Holy Spirit is leading my thoughts and opens my eyes.
Every morning I ask Jesus to be at my side and walk with me, no matter where I go or with whom I am. And every day I thank God my heavenly father for everything he has already done, for all that he is doing and for everything that he is going to do for me.
Thank you my dear readers, for taking your time to read my story.
Be richly blessed!