Small things

It’s Valentines day, the weather is so beautiful, while its still really cold outside, the sun is shining.
The days become longer again and so you feel the energy returning too.

While I had some plans ongoing the last couple of weeks and months today is a day with just a cleaning/household plan.
After I finished “the purpose-driven life” I thought about starting another reading plan but guess I need a break of a couple of days maybe.

I finished some beautiful blankets and also gifted 3 of them to new mama’s and their baby’s. And I’m still creating new ones for sale.

I’m still planing on having my own war binder/blog binder but haven’t found the perfect leather outlet for my inlays.
Found so many beautiful videos on youtube about it!

Ha, and the de-cluttering session is not finished yet, last time I just sorted out everything in my closet. And felt relieved already, so yesterday I tried to sort out everything unnecessary and put it in boxes =
Selling, donating and to throw away.

Honestly, first I thought it’s a month challenge – now I know it’s a lifetime challenge… especially with kids, maybe it’s easier as a single person, but maybe not… until I’m done – I continue crocheting blankets, blankets, blankets… haha…

Hum, this is it for today, sure there is more upcoming.
Be blessed


Christian Head-Covering Tag

It is time to start this blog post, to let you know some more facts and to let you know more about my ways wearing a headcover as a Jesus following christian.

A dear blog follower introduced me to this christian head covering tag and I think it is really a good idea to write down some facts about me and my story on wearing a headcover a jewish tichel.

• How old are you?
I’m 33 years old.

• For how long are you covering?
I started covering last year, 2017 in spring, after I donated my hair.

• How do you cover?
I cover all of my hair; after I tried to cover parts of my hair, like some leaving a fringe, but with my head and hair it didn’t work.
After I started covering my head I started thinking and wearing more modest clothes. I cover my legs and I sorted out tops, shirts and sweater showing too much of chest and chestbones.

• Why do you cover?
I’m born into a protestant christian family, no one is wearing a headcover, whether in church, nor outside.
As a half Indonesian with many visits in this beautiful country I got in contact with hijab wearing women, as Indonesia is the biggest country with Muslim people, 88% of the Indonesians are Muslim (about 191 Mio.people).

Some years ago I started to question myself why some women cover, and the first impression and thought was because of a rule, or a husband, a tradition or a country who tells women to do so. I did some research about the different ways and styles of headcover and their different expression and intention, I began to pray and asked God about my way, my purpose and what I still need to know about headcovering.

I read 1 Cor 11
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is the Messiah, and the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of the Messiah is God. Every man who prays or prophesies wearing something down over his head brings shame to his head, but every woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled brings shame to her head — there is no difference between her and a woman who has had her head shaved. For if a woman is not veiled, let her also have her hair cut short; but if it is shameful for a woman to wear her hair cut short or to have her head shaved, then let her be veiled.
1 Co 11:3‭-‬6 CJB

And I started to re-think about the way the western woman is clothing herself and why we think it is a freedom and gift to wear less clothes as a woman. I took a deeper look at the social advertisement, the media and the education.
It is said that women shouldn’t be bound to her wearing, her clothes and her appearance – I think this is correct, but when you start changing the point of view into a neutral point, where you start seeing yourself as a perfect creation God has made, it is a fast way to a more modest way of clothing and behavior.
For me it got clearer every day, as my mind knew, I don’t have to show more flesh and body parts of myself to the world just to be accepted, to be recognized, to be someone.
I just want to be me, the “me” God has created in my mother’s womb 33 years ago.
As a sign of honor and reverence I started covering my hair during prayer at home, which quickly extended, as I questioned myself, what I should do outside, while I’m at the mall, or grocery or at the zoo or elsewhere when I am praying unplanned.
This is how and why I started covering in the first place.

• Do you cover for the same reason now and in the beginning?
The reason I covered in the beginning is still the same now, while today I have to answer even more questions about covering than before. I moved 6 months ago and while moving I didn’t cover my head and now I started again.

•In front of whom do you stay covered? Are there exceptions (family gatherings, working place..)?
At the moment I cover my head in church and on some activities of the kids. I don’t wear my headcover at home or while family gatherings, usually I take off my headcover while visiting female friends and wrap my “tichel” back on when going home.

• What was the reaction of your husband? Of other family members? Of persons you meet?
The reactions were differently, my sisters reacted distant, so did my mother, while my father knows that biblically and in old traditionally christian communities it is nothing new or uncommon to see head covered women in church.
The other family members didn’t asked much, I don’t know if this was because of no interest or fear to ask an embarrassing question.
When I first cover, I met many people outside guessing I’m Arab and Muslim, while I think my appearance is clearly Asian, I could friendly tell that I’m German, while half Asian and no, I’m not a muslima but Jesus following Christian.
For some the next question was, why I cover then, if it is normal for a Christian or not and as soon as we got in a conversation it was a positive exchange of this topic “head cover”.

• How did covering change your life? (prayer, self-esteem, testifying…)
The cover was a shield, like a helmet and a crown. I decided to cover for God, not because my husband has told me, or my father or my church community, but because my heart told me to listen to my heavenly father and obey his rules, and not to look to other people’s opinions, or

• your denomination?
I am following Jesus Christ, the living Word of God, ADONAI my heavenly father and his Ruach HaKodesh – Holy Spirit – christian.

I thank you for reading my new blogpost, please leave a comment below. Be blessed! Shalom

It’s a cold friday

It’s freezing outside, everything is sleeping under an icy blanket of frost.
And I start thinking on how to cloth myself to go outside, walking the dog and enjoying some nice walks through parks and the forest.

First of all I need a big, cozy and of course warm scarf to keep my throat and neck away from the icy wind. Then I put on some selfmade crocheted gloves the fingerless ones. They are really nice, keeping your hands warm (well still the fingers are freezing, but you can use the phone if needed outside) and what about my head? Of course some kind of headcover, a beanie, knitted, crocheted or bought one or my Tichel with thicker scarf to keep my head warm and the headache away.

With all its beauty and the fresh air I’m thanking the Lord that he has blessed me with good health, enough clothes and a warm home – while others don’t, depending on financial circumstances, or after coming as a refugee or homeless.
To be honest, the homeless in Germany sometimes chose to stay outside instead of staying at a save and warm place.
Years ago I questioned myself why there are homeless in Germany, while we have a good working system leaving no one on the street if not wanted.
Even I heard that someone wanted to give a homeless food while instead he wanted money and rejected taking the food because he wanted to buy something strong to drink to keep warm and stay outside.
And even if someone wants to stay outside, being not in the system at all there are some possibilities to sleep in a warm place at least.
There are different possibilities, they have new buildings especially for women, they have busses for homeless to sleep in and other places. I think, it is important to let homeless people know, that there is a possibility to stay warm, at least at night, where it’s freezing and reaching temperatures below 0 degree and more.

Nowadays it is easier to help refugees, especially with kids clothes, blankets or other things needed. It is a simple step to check on communities, the church, the citizen office and/or at the mayor.

While I declutter my closet (again this year 2018) I checked on all clothes still usable and clean to donate, because honestly even I, owning not as much as others, have more than enough.
I can tell, I’m so blessed because of my church family, my family, my friends that I have more than enough and I’m so happy to help others.
After I watched “the minimalist” on Netflix the other day I realized that I can donate even more clothes out of my closet. I liked the part where they showed women trying plan 333 – where you chose out 33 items, clothes, tops, pants, pullover, sweater, skirt, jewlery etc. And use them for 3 months. Sure first you check if everything fits and is easily to be combined with each other and the most important thing – it’s the cloth you really love and usually wear.

I realized that this thinking is right, as I can see with my kids, who already chose what to wear them self. They love some of their clothes and it’s somehow easy to sort out.

With that I donated some clothes and my closet is still not empty at all. I’m happy I declutter but I will continue in 3 months, after I’ve finished the other rooms. It’s like going in circles but after sorting out I also try and watch me buying carefully and thoughtfully.

Also after having this idea of living a minimalists life I loved the idea of a van with possibility to live in. Still a dream but who knows, one day I’m ready for this step.

Be blessed!

While driving the car

Recently it happens often, that while driving the car I have some sorts of flash-backs to my past life.
What exactly? Mostly my past without Jesus, walking in my own way and trying to reach all the goals human might try to reach.

Going back to my early 20’s I remember my rebellious time. I thought about my time being single, singer in a band, student at uni, working part-time as a cashier and as a babysitter, to afford my apartment and my car.

In this time one of my band member was taking us all out for dinner after every band meeting, and this was at least twice a week. We’ve been to different kinds of restaurants like Italian, Greek, Chinese, Japanese and other.
While the band member took us all in his tiny car, he even invited the girlfriends of the drummer and the guitar player. So in his car that fits 5 people he put 6 or 7 at some time.
And for some reason he always needed to show off how fast and dangerous he was driving, once he even took the police attention and just drove even faster to escape an interview and of course the penalty.

This band member also had a strange hobby, he was doing some sort of horoscope and fortune-stuff using special cards Tarot – he was gifted by his grandmother, he told.
So these cards were mixed, then he asked me to chose some, depending on what exactly I wanted to know about my future and for what time-period.
We played this tarot-card game some time and well in my rebellious and naive time I took the chance and believed it.
I thought I’m smart telling myself, that I want to check on the truth first, whether everything he told me will come true or not.
And it did. Everything he told me, about the men I meet and some situations in this period of time happened.
So I asked him to check on my cards again and on my future, asking his cards and the universe.

Again everything happened, and even more.
At first I didn’t recognize it, but after some days I had a real strange feeling, something bad, horrible I couldn’t tell.
I felt something strange following me like a shadow, mostly at night time. The worst thing was, this negative, strange, horrible, cold feeling and thing didn’t disappear… it was like something horrible following you, giving you goose bumps and this cold sweat.. and in the dark, lonely times just before sleep I felt a strong grip pulling you into darkness.

When it got really worse for me, I searched for answers. I tried to re-think and find a solution and an escape out of this horrible situation I’ve already been into.

And I found one. I found the only way out of darkness – Light. And this Light was brought down to us, also named the Way or the living Word – Jesus, Immanuel!
So I began to pray, I searched my heart and begged for forgiveness, because I choose the fortune-telling-cards before God, in other words I created a God for myself and I disobeyed Adonai.
I knew inside my spirit, what exactly was following me, because I did this cruel and disgusting thing in my past called card-fortune (but even a personal horoscope or other fortune telling – it’s all the same).
All for once I knew, why and from whom the fortune, their cards and horoscope receive their power to actually tell the future.

And I even found a passage in the bible, about fortune, people who can get in contact with the dead and other.

I prayed to my heavenly father, I asked for forgiveness and promised him to never put someone or something before him! I fulfilled my promise with horoscope and fortune, while once I broke the part with the partner, but as a daughter of the highest, he called me and always kept me in his secure hands.

This Tarot-Experience was 10 years ago now, I don’t know why I have these flashbacks these days, especially while I’m driving on the Highway.

Since then I even haven’t been interested in reading these small horoscope articles on newspapers. The only thing that occurred the last years was the Chinese horoscope at the end of the year, while eating at a Chinese restaurant with a brother from Church and before leaving they hand us a new Chinese calendar with the Chinese zodiac sign.

Some even say that because of their zodiac their character is fixed.
Honestly I usually can’t remember my children’s zodiac, while the Chinese is still in my head.
I try and want to leave it out as well, as it is not important to me at all.

Years later, after I did this Card-Fortune I listened to a lecture related to God’s living Word the Bible, explaining and revealing what comes as an extra, while ordering your personal horoscope or fortune or Tarot. And this really kicked me back to my past and like the smallest piece of a puzzle everything fit and I received a whole picture of what exactly happened back then.

I thank my heavenly father, my creator and my brother Jesus, Lord of my everything and savior of my soul for revealing so much truth in my life and I thank the Holy Spirit – Ruach HaKodesh for opening my eyes and teaching me so many lessons step by step.

With this I wish you a blessed day!
Thanks for reading!

Where do I fit in?

Again talking about reading the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, lead me to rethink my life in church, in my community and my view of my active life and work while being there (and even at home).

I realized what is the most important thing in my life and what my goal in this life should be and actually is.
As I’m a Jesus follower I am trying to become more and more like my savior and I’m working on myself, my life and everything around me to support this step.

In one chapter I read, that it is necessary to find your spot in your community, as we are one body in Christ.

I already tried to speak in front of our church, giving testimony and bible studies, and while I liked it and felt it is a good way to spread God’s Word through my life and experience it appeared to be not exactly what is right for me right now – maybe later, yes but not at this point of my life.

So beside the band and hillsong we are actually practicing and doing at some of our services I was thinking of where God might need and use me, when I finally reached the children’s room – the Sunday school, how many might call it.
And while we were talking about who’s helping my sister in Christ with this beautiful work, I decided to start following Christ and stop thoughts and words to start exist in my head (things like questions “is this really my place, maybe I’m not right there, not good enough, I don’t have the experience or the know-how etc” I just started – this sunday!

And as always I received the help of my Lord. It was a small group and so it was really nice to be around these kids, first we read 2 stories for kids from the bible (Abraham and Sara, Mose) and then we talked a bit, as far as possible with 6 to 7 yrs old ones and then we also did some drawing on things we remembered out of the stories I read before and what is actually in their minds right now.
I have to admit, that it was such a blessed time and I really enjoyed it and think I will stick to this opportunity for a little while and then I will see if this will be one of my niches.

Wishing you all a blessed day!

Letting go

So by letting go, there is something special that I mean, right now in my life.

While I was at service today, I can just tell it was and always is full of good conversations and blessings. I enjoy being at our community and being around my family in Christ.
Today after service I received a message and blessing from my sister and was thankful, happy and really felt blessed, because several questions I asked the Lord days before were answered by her today, without knowing that I actually had asked for them. I had tears in my eyes because of happiness I reckon.

Later this day, after I visited one of my other friends and our conversations about our children, household-stuff and a delicious iraqi meal 🙂 I went back home, had our own family daily routine and when I had my 15-30min private time I realized that my whole day was sort of trembling and shifting, while I couldn’t figure out why.

When it was time, and dark around me I started walking our dog, hiding my face deep inside my cozy jacket and started to talk to the only one who knows my heart, my thoughts and what I really want to say – and the most important thing – only he knows what is coming and he is planing to provide and give to me.

I can’t tell if I had this same situation before in my life – which is 33 years now in total or not, but today I did what is already written down in his Holy word the Bible, I simply cried out my emotions, my thoughts, my fear, my suffer, my everything – and it felt right, because I didn’t kept all these things inside me, only sharing with some friends, I cried it out and gave it away, I put it all together while I was talking and crying at the same time, at his feet, knowing, that only HE sees and knows what is best for me, what will come and what he has planned for me.
So while my soul was trembling, rebelling and shouting out, crying out all its pain and fear, I left it all there, where it cannot harm or distract me more.

I felt relieved and I’m so glad and happy about the possibility and the fact, that I am a daughter of the highest and allowed to be his. I’m so blessed to call myself chosen and his, so I can feel free and I am actually able to hand my pain, my struggling, my questions to him, who knows what is actually right for me and myself.

After today I can walk further, I rely on him only, no human, because he is the only constant point in my life.

With this I bless you, your family and your week! Shalom

Finding your place

After reading my 40 day reading challenge of the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren I realized what is important for me in my community and what I should start doing and trying to find my personal spot.

The 40 day reading challenge is over, while my personal challenge just started. And I can only recommend this book to everyone seeking his personal purpose of life. Mine will be at my friends house, my sister in Christ after I finished the additional 2 chapters.

How did reading the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren affect my life, my thinking and my behavior?

Last week I received a message from relatives telling that one of my cousin has cancer. She had cancer 2 years ago, where I immediately asked for prayers in my church community. This time I asked the relatives to get into action as well. Most of my uncles and aunts declare them self as christian (whether catholic or protestant) while after I wrote down, that we should pray all together instead of talking and cursing the sickness, the lack of medical advance and the professionals as there are doctors and/or pharmacist.
It is sad, but while I thought and still hoped that there would be at least a respond, there came nothing.
So I started writing my cousin in a private message. I asked her if she believes and if she knows God.
At least her answer was honest, and while she said it’s not because of her health issue, but she can’t believe in God letting suffer, pain and fear live on earth, so she rather believes in nothing.
The first reaction was closing the conversation – if she doesn’t, it’s her own decision.
But the whole day I was just not happy about my too short answer, so I wrote her the other day and introduced her to Jesus my savior. It is a small step for me, but now the Holy Spirit can start working inside her heart and well I know this was exactly, what I needed to do. It’s obedience and listening to the Lord in doing what is his will.

About my other relatives, I’m unsure yet, because it’s really hard and tough to work on all of them alone – I know it’s not me doing the change, it’s just me being the instrument and speaker to give and introduce Jesus to the world.

And this will start right now – I thank the Lord for showing me this and for always listen to my prayer!

Thank you for taking your time and reading my story! Be blessed!