Cold season

Finally it is becoming the cold season, it is cold outtside and windy and rainy from time to time. For me and the kids it is a beautiful time, spending outside if we want to, enjoying the fresh and clear air, walking and watching the nature change and just thanking God for everything we have.

Yesterday night I was thinking about one homeless man, whom I saw the other day. I was thinking about his condition, his life situation and about what I can do for him during this cold season.

I looked up at the internet about what they might need.

Money? Food? Clothes? Blankets? A tent?

So I thought about a sleeping back and took it to him today. I asked him about his needs, what he would like to have, e.g. food or more blankets/clothes.

His answer was first:

“Is this sleeping back new?”

Honestly, I was a bit surprised, but tried not to show it, I told him that’s brand new, even all the signs on it. Somehow I felt, he might not want it.

When I asked about food if I should buy him breakfast or some fruits, he simply said, he just wants and needs money.

Then he said something that made me think

“I need money, a lot. If possible 1-2 Mio €”

Sure could be jokingly, but then I also thought about his thinking. There are some homeless by bad circumstances, some because of addiction and some by choice. Some doesn’t want to live under the German system of tax and regulations. Somehow it seems that this homeless today is the one living outside by choice.

Thinking about homeless and all this topic it is difficult to decide whether I should help more or less. I don’t want them to thank me or something else, while I was thinking about how to help (besides money) I really thought I might help a little. The scene today instead showed me that it is best to ask, what they need, to donate after that.

My motivation was to help the homeless in this time, as it is turning really cold outside and they keep staying outside the whole time. Honestly I don’t want to just give money, as for most of them (as they say themselves) they need money to buy drugs and alcohol. I don’t want to be part or a helper for providing drugs or alcohol – when I want to help with what they really need like food or clothes or sleeping utensils.

Guess it’s a difficult topic, while it can be so easy.

Wishing you a blessed week and a peaceful time with Jesus Christ. Shalom


I am talking to her about daily topics and immediately my heart starts to ache. One thought comes to my mind and I speak it out loud.

I ask her to go visit my grandfather at the old homes. Years ago he decided to move to this place in hope to be well cared of.

What really put me down emotionally is the fact and the thought, that no one of his family, not his ex-wife, his actual wife or his children are caring much about him. I can understand that it is a matter of distance, a matter of past and what has happened in everyone’s life, still a sudden pain reaches my heart and I start crying, I can’t stop it, the tears are just dropping down my face and when I finally stop crying, I try to find out what exactly happened to me.

So I start praying and receive the answer. My soul was the one crying out loud, because my spirit showed me how my grandfather is lying in his bed all alone, all by himself and in bad condition, not able to move, completely left alone – weeks – no months are passing before his children visit him, as there is always something else, something more important at that time than visiting their father.

My heart is crying as I feel his pain, yes he made wrong decisions, he did wrong things and wasn’t the father he should be for his children, but I feel his pain inside my heart and I keep crying.

The next day, we are at this place where he’s lying, we had to drive for an hour, it is a cute little village and the home is a Christian catholic place – even he’s not catholic still he chose this place, because he felt comfortable in it, when he got there around 6 years ago. Now he is lying in bed all the time, since approx 2 years, staring at the wall in his room, not able to read, not able to talk, not able to turn on the TV. Day by day by day by day.

When I enter his room and see him lying there, not able to move his hands and fingers, I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheek. I don’t try to stop them, I just let them down. Is it the sorrow to see the similarities of him and my mother and my aunt? Is it the pain I can nearly feel seeing him lying here not able to move.

I feel powerless because his son who was responsible for him gave away the responsibility to the government and now all other siblings are helpless, not able to claim for their dad to be at their place to be cared of.

I can’t understand, that a man with 5 children is held at an old home while he could be cared of at least at one house. The main point is money, the old home takes a huge amount of money because of the care and the room – I can totally understand that, but I guess it is unfair for those who didn’t have a family at all.

With this I pray to remember the elderly people, your parents, your grandparents because they shouldn’t be forgotten.

Be blessed!

While driving the car

Recently it happens often, that while driving the car I have some sorts of flash-backs to my past life.
What exactly? Mostly my past without Jesus, walking in my own way and trying to reach all the goals human might try to reach.

Going back to my early 20’s I remember my rebellious time. I thought about my time being single, singer in a band, student at uni, working part-time as a cashier and as a babysitter, to afford my apartment and my car.

In this time one of my band member was taking us all out for dinner after every band meeting, and this was at least twice a week. We’ve been to different kinds of restaurants like Italian, Greek, Chinese, Japanese and other.
While the band member took us all in his tiny car, he even invited the girlfriends of the drummer and the guitar player. So in his car that fits 5 people he put 6 or 7 at some time.
And for some reason he always needed to show off how fast and dangerous he was driving, once he even took the police attention and just drove even faster to escape an interview and of course the penalty.

This band member also had a strange hobby, he was doing some sort of horoscope and fortune-stuff using special cards Tarot – he was gifted by his grandmother, he told.
So these cards were mixed, then he asked me to chose some, depending on what exactly I wanted to know about my future and for what time-period.
We played this tarot-card game some time and well in my rebellious and naive time I took the chance and believed it.
I thought I’m smart telling myself, that I want to check on the truth first, whether everything he told me will come true or not.
And it did. Everything he told me, about the men I meet and some situations in this period of time happened.
So I asked him to check on my cards again and on my future, asking his cards and the universe.

Again everything happened, and even more.
At first I didn’t recognize it, but after some days I had a real strange feeling, something bad, horrible I couldn’t tell.
I felt something strange following me like a shadow, mostly at night time. The worst thing was, this negative, strange, horrible, cold feeling and thing didn’t disappear… it was like something horrible following you, giving you goose bumps and this cold sweat.. and in the dark, lonely times just before sleep I felt a strong grip pulling you into darkness.

When it got really worse for me, I searched for answers. I tried to re-think and find a solution and an escape out of this horrible situation I’ve already been into.

And I found one. I found the only way out of darkness – Light. And this Light was brought down to us, also named the Way or the living Word – Jesus, Immanuel!
So I began to pray, I searched my heart and begged for forgiveness, because I choose the fortune-telling-cards before God, in other words I created a God for myself and I disobeyed Adonai.
I knew inside my spirit, what exactly was following me, because I did this cruel and disgusting thing in my past called card-fortune (but even a personal horoscope or other fortune telling – it’s all the same).
All for once I knew, why and from whom the fortune, their cards and horoscope receive their power to actually tell the future.

And I even found a passage in the bible, about fortune, people who can get in contact with the dead and other.

I prayed to my heavenly father, I asked for forgiveness and promised him to never put someone or something before him! I fulfilled my promise with horoscope and fortune, while once I broke the part with the partner, but as a daughter of the highest, he called me and always kept me in his secure hands.

This Tarot-Experience was 10 years ago now, I don’t know why I have these flashbacks these days, especially while I’m driving on the Highway.

Since then I even haven’t been interested in reading these small horoscope articles on newspapers. The only thing that occurred the last years was the Chinese horoscope at the end of the year, while eating at a Chinese restaurant with a brother from Church and before leaving they hand us a new Chinese calendar with the Chinese zodiac sign.

Some even say that because of their zodiac their character is fixed.
Honestly I usually can’t remember my children’s zodiac, while the Chinese is still in my head.
I try and want to leave it out as well, as it is not important to me at all.

Years later, after I did this Card-Fortune I listened to a lecture related to God’s living Word the Bible, explaining and revealing what comes as an extra, while ordering your personal horoscope or fortune or Tarot. And this really kicked me back to my past and like the smallest piece of a puzzle everything fit and I received a whole picture of what exactly happened back then.

I thank my heavenly father, my creator and my brother Jesus, Lord of my everything and savior of my soul for revealing so much truth in my life and I thank the Holy Spirit – Ruach HaKodesh for opening my eyes and teaching me so many lessons step by step.

With this I wish you a blessed day!
Thanks for reading!

Familie issues 2.0

I had this one already some weeks ago, it is still on going. Not my close family, but the second ring, like grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and so on… why to bother at all? Well the main reason is my grandmother, she’s the centre and well, the others are more or less like chess figures and playing their roles like warrior, or simple farmer or else. Although it’s my family there is sometimes this part or person who simply doesn’t want to walk the light way, who wants to walk and suffer in darkness… what do I mean with suffer in darkness = it’s the situation being seen dark in all circumstances. Problems can’t be solved immediately because the person who is in control isn’t calling back the same second as wanted. Well too clear for myself – people have to work. But this one who I mentioned before likes to walk in suffering and darkness, telling herself and others that this person in charge doesn’t work at all and is making a foul out of her…

So first question or advice I got by telling this one to my closest family member was “why are you still handling with these unnecessary things and people at all?”… I have this clear answer inside – because who else will bring light in the darkest corners? If I’m out the hole will grow even bigger and possibly more people can slip in and get stuck to never come out again… what is this hole? Darkness in thoughts, darkness inside the heart, seeing bad things only no light at all, everything is negative… and why? Because it is the feeling the enemy is spreading and trying to infect the people on earth with. I know, I’m just the granddaughter, but I never walk alone, Jesus is in every conversation and I thank him for helping me sending his light out to everyone!!
Because he loves you!

Be blessed!