Cold season

Finally it is becoming the cold season, it is cold outtside and windy and rainy from time to time. For me and the kids it is a beautiful time, spending outside if we want to, enjoying the fresh and clear air, walking and watching the nature change and just thanking God for everything we have.

Yesterday night I was thinking about one homeless man, whom I saw the other day. I was thinking about his condition, his life situation and about what I can do for him during this cold season.

I looked up at the internet about what they might need.

Money? Food? Clothes? Blankets? A tent?

So I thought about a sleeping back and took it to him today. I asked him about his needs, what he would like to have, e.g. food or more blankets/clothes.

His answer was first:

“Is this sleeping back new?”

Honestly, I was a bit surprised, but tried not to show it, I told him that’s brand new, even all the signs on it. Somehow I felt, he might not want it.

When I asked about food if I should buy him breakfast or some fruits, he simply said, he just wants and needs money.

Then he said something that made me think

“I need money, a lot. If possible 1-2 Mio €”

Sure could be jokingly, but then I also thought about his thinking. There are some homeless by bad circumstances, some because of addiction and some by choice. Some doesn’t want to live under the German system of tax and regulations. Somehow it seems that this homeless today is the one living outside by choice.

Thinking about homeless and all this topic it is difficult to decide whether I should help more or less. I don’t want them to thank me or something else, while I was thinking about how to help (besides money) I really thought I might help a little. The scene today instead showed me that it is best to ask, what they need, to donate after that.

My motivation was to help the homeless in this time, as it is turning really cold outside and they keep staying outside the whole time. Honestly I don’t want to just give money, as for most of them (as they say themselves) they need money to buy drugs and alcohol. I don’t want to be part or a helper for providing drugs or alcohol – when I want to help with what they really need like food or clothes or sleeping utensils.

Guess it’s a difficult topic, while it can be so easy.

Wishing you a blessed week and a peaceful time with Jesus Christ. Shalom

Tear

I am talking to her about daily topics and immediately my heart starts to ache. One thought comes to my mind and I speak it out loud.

I ask her to go visit my grandfather at the old homes. Years ago he decided to move to this place in hope to be well cared of.

What really put me down emotionally is the fact and the thought, that no one of his family, not his ex-wife, his actual wife or his children are caring much about him. I can understand that it is a matter of distance, a matter of past and what has happened in everyone’s life, still a sudden pain reaches my heart and I start crying, I can’t stop it, the tears are just dropping down my face and when I finally stop crying, I try to find out what exactly happened to me.

So I start praying and receive the answer. My soul was the one crying out loud, because my spirit showed me how my grandfather is lying in his bed all alone, all by himself and in bad condition, not able to move, completely left alone – weeks – no months are passing before his children visit him, as there is always something else, something more important at that time than visiting their father.

My heart is crying as I feel his pain, yes he made wrong decisions, he did wrong things and wasn’t the father he should be for his children, but I feel his pain inside my heart and I keep crying.

The next day, we are at this place where he’s lying, we had to drive for an hour, it is a cute little village and the home is a Christian catholic place – even he’s not catholic still he chose this place, because he felt comfortable in it, when he got there around 6 years ago. Now he is lying in bed all the time, since approx 2 years, staring at the wall in his room, not able to read, not able to talk, not able to turn on the TV. Day by day by day by day.

When I enter his room and see him lying there, not able to move his hands and fingers, I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheek. I don’t try to stop them, I just let them down. Is it the sorrow to see the similarities of him and my mother and my aunt? Is it the pain I can nearly feel seeing him lying here not able to move.

I feel powerless because his son who was responsible for him gave away the responsibility to the government and now all other siblings are helpless, not able to claim for their dad to be at their place to be cared of.

I can’t understand, that a man with 5 children is held at an old home while he could be cared of at least at one house. The main point is money, the old home takes a huge amount of money because of the care and the room – I can totally understand that, but I guess it is unfair for those who didn’t have a family at all.

With this I pray to remember the elderly people, your parents, your grandparents because they shouldn’t be forgotten.

Be blessed!

Difficulties

The Difficulties I experienced and still experience wearing a headcover – no matter if it’s my Tichel or a Hijab or Veil is still in the air.

Even posting pictures on Instagram (@Sarah_Jesus_Headcover) creates questions, questionmarks inside some heads and well sometimes misunderstanding. But I really appreciate all my followers and followers-to-be who simply write a message or post a comment below and ask whatever is on their mind.
Sometimes it’s even easier to talk to others on these online platforms as in real life.
Why is that? Well let me explain, in real daily life, walking with a tichel or any kind of headcover as a Christian creates these questionmarks on people’s face. I can’t even tell why, but I experienced that sometimes people want to ask, and sometimes they don’t. If they don’t, they’d like to keep their own explanation, even if they are totally “wrong” or “misled”. While on others it’s like this disgusting look, because I stopped wearing my tichel the second half of 2017 and started again in 2018. And it feels like a facial expression telling me “come on, you’ve already had this period and let’s call it phase of your life, than finally you stopped and got back to normal and now again? Why’s that, I hoped and wished that you’ve passed it now and forever”… this is a lot, for just an expression – but well, I don’t know why, but too often it’s that I’m right about such things. It’s like a “feeling” or something like this.

Last time I had a good talk to my sister, while I don’t know if she understood what I tried to explain to her or not, because as I know myself years ago I was similar, thinking “why should God want us to cover our hair? He created us like this” yes, totally right, it has nothing to do with our naturally appearance but more about obedience for our heavenly father Adonai. Our culture, the media and well social acceptance created a point of view in my sight that kept telling me to take my right as a woman wearing what I want, if I want to be sexy I wear even less clothes, because I can. Well, yes because I can, doesn’t mean it’s the right way.

“Submit as people who are free, but not letting your freedom serve as an excuse for evil; rather, submit as God’s slaves. Be respectful to all — keep loving the brotherhood, fearing God and honoring the emperor.”
1 Pe 2:16‭-‬17 CJB

The most experience while wearing my tichel is a surprised facial expression and sometimes question about my believe, if I converted, if I’m Muslim, if I changed something important in my life – and if so what exactly?! Some asked, if I cover because of sickness, if I lost my hair and cover because of cancer or leukemia.
And still, on Instagram I’m asked if I’m Muslim even I’m posting christian and biblical quotes – I’m not offended or anything at all, it’s always a pleasure to get in touch and in good talk to people interested in “why I cover”. When I started last year it was a challenge for myself, but also a way to let others know and inform why others cover and the most important thing to stop a limited mind thinking about headcover is for muslimas only.
It is still a way to go and not as easy as it could be, because the first impression is still something different. But as long as people ask and show interest, there is hope to spread truth.

When I met Jesus and when he took place in my heart, I wanted to know him more, become more like him, like my heavenly father sees me, he has created me as a whole, perfect person and I want to show this, and thank him by gifting him my whole life and everything I am and everything I do.

I can pray in my home, in my room; same as praying in my church community – but I also pray and talk to God while I’m outside, walking in the park or forest.
Last year I read a bit of “stop being a people-pleaser” by Joyce Meyer and this is what I still try to practice in full. Sometimes it is easy, sometimes it is a bit more difficult.
Especially right now in the cold winter season, I’m wearing normal hats/beanies besides my tichel headcovering.

Well, well.. I will keep you updated with my headcover post and the year 2018!

Be blessed!