Being busy lately

2019 started well and fast, January already passed and February is nearly half way through too. It’s been several weeks since I last updated a post here.

While I just closed my Twitter account today – honestly it was simply too much of social media lately, I think I can continue writing down everything that’s going on here.

Several months now I’m sharing posts on my Instagram account, about my brother in Christ from Gambia. I started a Go Fund Me campaign and still try to raise an amount of money for him to start and complete an educational course so that he will be able to provide and care for his Family. While he is the oldest of his family, his parents died several years ago, his Grandmother is still alive and tries to take care of his younger siblings, he tried to work illegally to earn money. Because this is not an option anymore, we try to collect some money to help him out doing his 2 month course, so he can start working legally with a certificate to survive.

I started a February Challenge which says “$1 for Alieu” – why $1? I posted this on my Instagram, because I thought that with my ~1.800 Followers even $1 would be more than enough. (If everyone would donate 50 cent it would be more than enough) trying to say, that I don’t ask you to give $20 or $10, I just ask for $1 or if you can’t $0.50

Trying to collect as much as possible in February so that Alieu from Gambia can start his course in March this year and finish it at the end of April to be ready for legal work in May! This is our wish, our plan and we hope that it will work with your help!

We thank you very much and send you the Lord’s blessing! Shalom

Cold season

Finally it is becoming the cold season, it is cold outtside and windy and rainy from time to time. For me and the kids it is a beautiful time, spending outside if we want to, enjoying the fresh and clear air, walking and watching the nature change and just thanking God for everything we have.

Yesterday night I was thinking about one homeless man, whom I saw the other day. I was thinking about his condition, his life situation and about what I can do for him during this cold season.

I looked up at the internet about what they might need.

Money? Food? Clothes? Blankets? A tent?

So I thought about a sleeping back and took it to him today. I asked him about his needs, what he would like to have, e.g. food or more blankets/clothes.

His answer was first:

“Is this sleeping back new?”

Honestly, I was a bit surprised, but tried not to show it, I told him that’s brand new, even all the signs on it. Somehow I felt, he might not want it.

When I asked about food if I should buy him breakfast or some fruits, he simply said, he just wants and needs money.

Then he said something that made me think

“I need money, a lot. If possible 1-2 Mio €”

Sure could be jokingly, but then I also thought about his thinking. There are some homeless by bad circumstances, some because of addiction and some by choice. Some doesn’t want to live under the German system of tax and regulations. Somehow it seems that this homeless today is the one living outside by choice.

Thinking about homeless and all this topic it is difficult to decide whether I should help more or less. I don’t want them to thank me or something else, while I was thinking about how to help (besides money) I really thought I might help a little. The scene today instead showed me that it is best to ask, what they need, to donate after that.

My motivation was to help the homeless in this time, as it is turning really cold outside and they keep staying outside the whole time. Honestly I don’t want to just give money, as for most of them (as they say themselves) they need money to buy drugs and alcohol. I don’t want to be part or a helper for providing drugs or alcohol – when I want to help with what they really need like food or clothes or sleeping utensils.

Guess it’s a difficult topic, while it can be so easy.

Wishing you a blessed week and a peaceful time with Jesus Christ. Shalom

Tear

I am talking to her about daily topics and immediately my heart starts to ache. One thought comes to my mind and I speak it out loud.

I ask her to go visit my grandfather at the old homes. Years ago he decided to move to this place in hope to be well cared of.

What really put me down emotionally is the fact and the thought, that no one of his family, not his ex-wife, his actual wife or his children are caring much about him. I can understand that it is a matter of distance, a matter of past and what has happened in everyone’s life, still a sudden pain reaches my heart and I start crying, I can’t stop it, the tears are just dropping down my face and when I finally stop crying, I try to find out what exactly happened to me.

So I start praying and receive the answer. My soul was the one crying out loud, because my spirit showed me how my grandfather is lying in his bed all alone, all by himself and in bad condition, not able to move, completely left alone – weeks – no months are passing before his children visit him, as there is always something else, something more important at that time than visiting their father.

My heart is crying as I feel his pain, yes he made wrong decisions, he did wrong things and wasn’t the father he should be for his children, but I feel his pain inside my heart and I keep crying.

The next day, we are at this place where he’s lying, we had to drive for an hour, it is a cute little village and the home is a Christian catholic place – even he’s not catholic still he chose this place, because he felt comfortable in it, when he got there around 6 years ago. Now he is lying in bed all the time, since approx 2 years, staring at the wall in his room, not able to read, not able to talk, not able to turn on the TV. Day by day by day by day.

When I enter his room and see him lying there, not able to move his hands and fingers, I can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheek. I don’t try to stop them, I just let them down. Is it the sorrow to see the similarities of him and my mother and my aunt? Is it the pain I can nearly feel seeing him lying here not able to move.

I feel powerless because his son who was responsible for him gave away the responsibility to the government and now all other siblings are helpless, not able to claim for their dad to be at their place to be cared of.

I can’t understand, that a man with 5 children is held at an old home while he could be cared of at least at one house. The main point is money, the old home takes a huge amount of money because of the care and the room – I can totally understand that, but I guess it is unfair for those who didn’t have a family at all.

With this I pray to remember the elderly people, your parents, your grandparents because they shouldn’t be forgotten.

Be blessed!

What do you think?

The last days of school holiday and everyone is feeling that it’s time for the school routine and well, even when I remember 6 weeks school holiday wasn’t that long (especially when you’ve been in Indonesia for 4-5 weeks) today it seems to be – even for my kids.

This is possible because we’ve just been away for around a week or so, we’ve been to Den Haag in the Netherlands and stayed in a Hostel. This was such a great experience for the whole family, and a big plus was, the distance to the beach was only 5 min away.

How to stay cool and calm, when you have 6 weeks with 24/7 kids playtime. I didn’t want to plan too much with entry fee or too far away and so everything was spontaneous. Most of the time we visited family and friends, then we’ve been to the Netherlands, to the beach, to the forest and simply outside chillin’ at the pool.

As I realise how fast the children are growing I really feel the urge to do more with them, not only sitting at the dining table, or on the couch; even my oldest told me the other day he wants to spend time together and just walk. I love it! So we decided to take our dog and walk together, we’ve been out for about 2 hours, constantly walking, talking, enjoying these last few days.

I tried to live life with God, to talk to him first in any situation – truth is, I’m still on my way, I’m still practising, learning how to do so and stay in this routine and life, but it happens that the head is running into situations before asking the Heavenly Father. It is a way to go, but I’ll take it step by step and I know that the Lord is with me, helping me with every situation and every problem.

I decided to start a new study plan for myself. It will be about community, the rules, every aspect Jesus wants us to obey, to follow and to love. Why is this topic in my mind? Well first of all it’s been in my mind for a couple of weeks now and I’m sure God is preparing me for something. I’m really looking forward this studies and will let you know of course.

Be blessed

How to love….

Well I wrote a blog post once about forgiveness – this will be a similar one, or one that continuous my journey of forgiveness.

Today I got informed about a situation of bad talk or talk behind my back about me. Well it shouldn’t bother me – but it did.

A short info about the main topic, one of my family member gifted me an old kitchen gadget, while her daughter told her to pullout an essential that, in her words “I should buy myself”. Honestly I didn’t thought a bad thing about it at all, while today the saleswoman told me, that the essential thing should be always within this gadget and usually isn’t available to buy extra. Well, that left me thinking. That’s when I received the answer that the daughter told her to not include it. I really would’ve understand if she could use it afterwards or without this kitchen essential – but this isn’t the fact. It was just some general problem, or maybe a jealous thought of her?

Honestly I would love to bring this gadget back to the daughter and gift it to her, while saying that I want to bless her with Gods peace and Love, but it too made me sort of sad, angry and I don’t know. I’ve been always really more than kind to her, talking, writing and I don’t know, while now I don’t know what image and thought is inside her mind, when she thinks of me. It is sad. But again, I didn’t act without asking my Heavenly Father – I opened his Word, and I know he showed me Matthew, to forgive and bless those who want to harm you. And even if they try to harm you with a bad tongue like she did. I’m sad because I feel sorry for her, but I’m happy because I can bless her with Gods peace.

Sending you blessings

healing Heart

What means music to you, in my life music surrounds me everywhere I go, at home, on the way in the car, everywhere I am, I have at least one song in mind.

It started when I was young that I loved to sing and listen to music, I preferred Indonesian and English songs, sometimes I listened to German ones, then Spanish, French and Italian ones. I have to tell you, the preference is depending on my emotional mood and actual life circumstances, but what is always playing, is praising songs no matter which language. Lately I like to listen to English, Hebrew, Russian and Arabic songs.

Nancy Ajram – Hassa Beek

Nancy Ajram is one Arabic singer with such a beautiful emotional voice. It is such a precious time listening to her songs even without fully understanding the lyric – with her voice, the Arabic language becomes more beautiful than it already is (making the wish to learn this beautiful language more and more).

Yesterday I just turned on YouTube to have some quiet time listening to praise music and I found this new one from Lauren Daigle You Say. It was this moment I had this feeling to grab a laptop and record some songs to upload on my YouTube channel (which is offline right now). Actually I don’t own a laptop anymore, so I try to work with my smartphone and tablet. For now I haven’t found a possibility to record hillsong music the way I did before. Well what to do then? Maybe you know the app #smule – I downloaded it again and sang 2 songs with some other singer. I like it, but it’s not then same as I did before using #GarageBand on my old MacBook. Right now I’m trying to figure out what to do and how to record the praising Hillsong music I want to share with you all.

This will be my new challenge for 2018 I might start in September.

So back to the topic – what does music mean or how does it affect me and my emotions? For me music is a strong instrument, it’s not only the singer and the lyric, sometimes it’s the drummer, the guitar player or another instrument. While I listen to the music I close my eyes, singing along or simply listen to every part and every instrument, as for me even the single instrument is giving me an emotional feeling, or even a throwback in time. They are like small time travels to different places and times and feelings. Good feelings, sad feelings and happy feelings. Music opens a door for me to dive in and stay at a time, where I want to be for a time period.

Music is a blessed time for me, I love to just stay in a song and leave all my thoughts and problems to my Heavenly Father – who is the only one to know exactly what’s inside my heart and what is going on inside my mind. With hillsong music I feel closer to my love Jesus and God. Sometimes it’s really difficult to tell and describe the emotions and feelings – as it’s not possible to find words and descriptions for every emotion. Have you ever felt like this? A feeling you couldn’t find words for?

Sending you the Lords blessing!

Writing

What is going on right now with my writing and my blog?

Currently I’m constantly thinking about my blog post content and what will be a useful niché for me to write about and you to read. My first impulse was to write about my life with God – as it’s stated on my description of my blog. Something more about my journey wearing a headcover as a Christian in a Christian country and in a community where no one else (woman) is wearing a headcover like I do. When did I start wearing my headcover, where did I got my first kit of scarves, where did I collect my informations and so on.

I’m reading all these blogpost where they try to teach you how to earn some extra passive income while running a blog. This wasn’t my first intention when I started my blog last year, but with time it surely got interesting if it’s really, surely possible. So this will be a journey now I’m starting this year August 2018 to see if it is possible and works. I am still searching for a good niché and I know that with Gods guidance and his power, he will show what to do and choose.

You can be sure that it will be about the Lord, Jesus, Ruach HaKodesh and/or the Christian headcovering, modest clothing and reading material.

Be curious – same as I am.